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Nonsense

The day's stupidest stories, newest first, read with a straight face.

A silver hatchback sitting up to its windows in a village duck pond while ducks look on. A black CENSORED bar covers the satnav screen and a pink sticker reads FOR LEGAL REASONS.
LOCAL

Man wins four-year argument with satnav, drives into lake

An office printer cordoned off with yellow tape in an empty open-plan office at night, a megaphone and a pizza box on the carpet. A CENSORED bar covers its display and a pink sticker reads PC LOAD LETTER.
WORK

Office printer releases hostages after nine-hour stand-off

A soggy paper napkin with a doodled rain cloud and a coffee ring on a news desk beside a microphone and a wilting plant. A CENSORED bar covers the doodle and a pink sticker reads FORECAST REDACTED.
WEATHER

Doug's forecast: "damp, possibly the napkin"

A grey goose with its wings out standing in an empty multi-storey car park next to a knocked-over traffic cone. A CENSORED bar covers its eyes and a pink sticker reads IDENTITY PROTECTED.
CRIME

Goose seen in car park again. "It remembers me," says officer

A newsroom desk buried in newspaper pages scrawled over with red pen, a red rubber stamp and a mug of coffee. A CENSORED bar covers the main page and a pink sticker reads CORRECTED AGAIN.
CORRECTION

Yesterday's correction was also wrong. We regret nothing.